Canada's Naughtiest Dog - Presented by Bark Busters Canada

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Submitted by: Louise Aird

SING TO THE TUNE OF 'OLD MAN RIVER'

Little puppy
That little black puppy
He must know somethin'
But can't say nuthin'
So he keeps on barkin'
He keeps on barkin' all day.

He chomps his chew chews
He shreds his toys
And those with stuffin'
Dey soon got nuthin'
He keeps on playin'
And keeps on barkin' all day.

You and me
We try to train
But he ignores
Our tired refrain
Shut your mouth!
We curse and swear
No matter what we do
He just don't care.

His name is Donald
He's cute as buttons
We love him madly
But he's spoiled rotten!
And he keeps on barkin'
Just keeps on barkin' all day!

Dear Bark Busters Contest Judges

My name is Donald Beck. I am four years old. I live in West Vancouver. My father was a Chihuahua. My mother was a Jack Russell. I'm most like my mother, although I'm jet black with bits of white and I weigh a sleek and jaunty 24 lbs.

I am known, variously, as World's Most Adorable Puppy, Spawn of Satan, Best Boy in the Universe, WigglyBum, The Yappy Creature Down the Street, Honey, Sweetheart, Baby and, of course, The Terrorist.

Most people think of me as the Happiest Dog They've Ever Seen. And I am happy. I have a daily routine. I wake up at 6:00, pee, have a little milk and the leavings from my dad's cereal bowl, and go back to bed. I get up at around ten, and go into my mom's office, where I play with chew chews, purposely hide my golf ball and whine at her so she has to find it for me, and shred any pieces of paper, boxes or tissues that she's been careless enough to leave on the floor.

At 11:30, I get a piece of cheese from my dad, then bits of his lunch, then I go back to sleep for an hour. At 1:30, someone takes me to the Ambleside Dog Park, where I bark like mad at any dog who is bigger than me, chase any dog who happens to run by, and am warmly greeted by my many canine friends (most of whom are about my size, given that the big dogs all ignore me). While I'm at the dog park, there is a regular chorus of 'Hi Donald!', and 'There's Donald!' and I wiggle my bum at everyone (which is why I have another nickname: The Halibut.'

There's a beach at the park too and, in the summer, when the tide's in, I love to swim. Not too far—once my feet leave the bottom I get kinda frightened. But I love to go and get the sticks. I don't like to return them, but I do if I have to. On some days, after the park, we go to the mall and to one of my favourite places, the pet food store, where I run around, and get many many treats while my mom shops for me. Sometimes, we go to Shoppers Drug Mart, where I get greeted some more and get more treats. Sometimes, we go to the bank, or the gas station, where I always get more treats. I love treats.

We get home at about 3:30, and I sleep until 5:00 sharp. At 5:00, if my dinner isn't ready, I stare fixedly at someone until I get my supper, which I eat in about 3 seconds. When I've finished my dinner, I get a chew chew, which I work on for about ten minutes, unless I get to take it outside into the garden, in which case I'll work on it for 15 minutes. My favourite place is a shaded rock. When I get bored with that, I bury the chew chew then, about 10 minutes later, unbury it. Then, about 10 minutes later, bury it again. This displeases my parents but it's so much fun I don't care.

If I'm lucky, (if I can sneak away) I get to do a tour of My Domain. This involves going to each house in the cul de sac, finding interesting things, checking everything out to make sure all is in order. I can only do this now when our bad neighbour isn't home—she has a little house and she leaves her doors open, so running through her house, and grabbing any available food on the way, is the part of my tour that is huge fun….anyway, she doesn't like me any more so I have to avoid her. I hope she moves.

When the weather is cold or wet, I spend time playing with one of my stuffed toys. My favourite thing is to play tug-o-war with my mom then, when she gets sick of it, I like to tear a hole in the toy and systematically pull all of the stuffing out of it.

Then my parents have supper and I get to lick a plate, or I get a little of the left over stuff.

After supper, it's TLC time, which involves me sitting on my dad's lap having my tummy, ears, or back scratched. Then I go back to my chew chew. Then I lie on my blanky under the coffee table for a while. Then at 9:00 sharp, I go to bed. I have a big bed upstairs that is heaven on earth: I'm not selfish, though. I let my mother use if at night, provided that she sleeps horizontally in the upper 30%, or clings to the outer 20%.

Other things I like to do…. Sometimes, I'll decide to make off with a shoe and get chased around the house for a while. On laundry day, I get to make off with socks and get chased around the house for a while. When there's been company and the dining room table has been cleared, I jump up on the dining room table and make off with napkins and get chased around for a while. Often, though, I don't have anything in my mouth and no one's chasing me and I run around the house for a while anyway. Sometimes for ten minutes solid. People just stay out of my way when I do that.

People do get mad at me though. I like to bite at toes, regardless of whether or not people have shoes on. I like to jump up on people to say hello. But most of all, I like to bark. I see it as my calling. I'm very very good at it. I have a loud, commanding tone. It's, I find, the most effective way of saying 'hello', the most efficient way of saying 'Who are you and get out of my house', and the best way to announce 'This is my domain so stay away!'. I suppose that I have to learn discretion—a way of leading up to it, or warning my family; otherwise, people around here are going to start having heart attacks.

So that's my story. I hear that I qualify for Canada's Naughtiest Dog status, and I think that I should win. I could use some counseling…

Donald Beck
Canada's Most Adorable, Happy & Naughty Dog
West Vancouver, BC

PS I hope you like the song that my mom and her boyfriend wrote about me. And I apologize for the photo: I usually don't sit still long enough for a proper one.