Ms. Daisy Driving Me Crazy

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Submitted by: Tyler O'Rourke

Well, when I first heard of this contest, my life flashed before my eyes…. I met my beautiful girlfriend Sara about 3 years ago. I remember thinking how cool it was that she had her own dog, as I always wanted one myself. Well, that was then, this is now. Lets introduce Daisy, the four year old Jack Russell Terrier, or as I think of her “Jack Ripper Terrorist”. As I write this little love story, I have a constant reminder of the little menace, as just last weekend she managed to tear my thumb nail off in a battle over a stick, now as I type I have a constant painful reminder of how much I hate this dog, and well, let’s be honest here, how much she hates me.
Sara and I now live together, which means that I am forced to coexist with the daemon dog. Lets delve into the ways that Daisy enjoys making my life miserable… you should probably use the bathroom before I start, as this could take a while and I wouldn’t want anyone to have an accident as they laugh at my shameful existence with this dog…
1. Did I mentioned the dog tore my thumb nail off last weekend, before I was about to go on vacation. That was great
2. I cannot go within 5 feet of her in the house, without being snarled at..Barked at.. or chewed on
3. If I fill her food bowl… I get growled at for going near it.
4. If I try to discipline the dog, you can rest assure, it will use the bathroom in the house later that night because it knows that it drives me mental.
5. The Dog has to sleep in the bed under the covers.. Because it has this weird thing about being warm. So If I go near the bed it snarls at me... that usually ends up in a full on “Tyler verses Daisy ultimate fight” that even Hulk Hogan would pay to see.
6. The dog is has to be the center of attention all the time… If someone is talking or doing something it has to be jumping, or squeaking a toy, barking for attention, or sitting on Sara’s lap.
7. The dog has an anxiety disorder.. it won’t stop getting in the garbage when we leave the house.. so you come home to a house with garbage all over it.
8. Don’t worry I have tried everything that the dog shows have on TV… “show it who’s the pack leader and all”… but Daisy thinks she is the ruler of the universe so how am I suppose to top that.
9. Well..even the ruler of the universe can’t take a good shock collar, but after spending my life savings on the Binford 6100 electro-solar-nuclear collar the dam battery won’t stay charged and It just has this annoying beep that drives me even more crazy than well….
10. Well… that tiny little whine the dog makes when you leave it locked outside the room.. and it doesn’t quit, that dog could whine and whine for hours without end..
11. She know’s that when I take her somewhere in my truck that it is mine…because she knows when to pee on the seats….funny how she never does this in any other persons vehicle.
12. She has destroyed a couch, shoes, numerous pairs of pants and underwear, my thumb cartilage…., I may start a demolition company with her.
13. Is it right that I go to work every week, and explain to the people I work with that I didn’t get my hand caught in a drill press, and that it was just my most recent Daisy injury…I have the scars to prove them all.
13. Well, I could go on forever, about ole Daisy here.. but I think I have to save something for the movie rights. Let’s just say she ain't no lassie!!!!!

I have a new worry as Sara in September. Now as much as I would love to take daisy down to the SPCA, with the new baby on the way, and let Daisy take her chances that Bob Barker will feature her as the pet of the week. However, I know that Sara loves that little ball of venom, and as much as my purple thumb nail is aching right now would be nothing like the pain that Sara would have if she had to give up that little dog.